CALIFORNIA YANKEE

More Relish Please

The Greeley Tribune reports that on July 4, 2001 Richard Carroll was grilling hot dogs for a family gathering, when one of the dogs fell on the ground.

A family member, quickly picked it up, but instead of merely brushing the hot dog off and putting it back on the grill as most men would do (remember the 5-second rule), he stuck it on the radio antenna on Carroll's pickup truck.

That hot dog, now black, fuzzy and hard, after 80,000 miles, and all kinds of weather the dog appears to be part of the antenna:

"It kind of makes you wonder," Carroll said this week, pausing to look at the shriveled symbol of picnics everywhere. "It kind of makes you wonder about all the hot dogs you've eaten over the years..."

He doesn't remember what brand of hot dog it was. Whatever brand, there must have been enough preservatives in it to prevent it from simply rotting away and falling off.

[. . .]

"I kept thinking the birds would eat it, or the wind would blow it off on the highway," Carroll said. "But I've been on a lot of hunting trips with it, and it's been brushed against tree limbs and bushes, and it's still there."

Carroll is going to leave the wonder dog on the antenna until it finally falls off.

Dear In The Headlights

Walter Blakeslee got tired of his wife nagging him over a motor vehicle ticket he'd gotten weeks earlier. His wife of 29 years would not drop the matter, so he got in his truck to leave.

But his wife followed him and climbed up on the running board on the driver's side of his truck - big mistake:

He put the truck in reverse and hit the gas, causing his wife to fall to the ground.

“I stopped the truck and looked out in front of me,” Blakeslee said in his statement. “My wife was there in the headlights. She was kneeling with her hands in front of her. ... I stepped on the gas.

“She never looked up. I just wanted to make her stop. I didn't think about the consequences. I heard a thud and then I thought I heard her scream. I didn't stop right away. ... I stopped when it came to me that I had hit her.”

Blakeslee told police that after he ran over his wife he saw her lying on the ground. He parked the truck in its usual spot, walked over to her and knew that she was dead:

“I kept thinking, ‘Oh my God, I just killed my wife,'”

Blakeslee went back in the house and went to sleep. When he woke up he checked the driveway, saw that his wife was still there, and called 911.

“I didn't want to face what had happened,” he said. “I was hoping it was all a bad dream.”

Blakeslee later recanted:

“I am sorry,” he said. “I didn't want to kill her. I just wanted her to stop.”

No Doctor Required

A Mexican woman delivered her own baby by performing a caesarean section on herself. The woman lived in a rural area without electricity, running water or sanitation that was an eight-hour drive from the nearest hospital.

According to Reuters:

"She took three small glasses of hard liquor and, using a kitchen knife, sliced her abdomen in three attempts...and delivered a male infant that breathed immediately and cried," said Dr R.F. Valle, of the Dr Manuel Velasco Suarez Hospital in San Pablo, Mexico.

[. . .]

Before losing consciousness the woman told one of her children to call a local nurse for help.

She must have missed that disclaimer - don't try this at home.

What a Woman!

X-ray Mistake Blamed For Loss of Kidney

From icWales.

A surgeon, who removed a patient's good kidney instead of his diseased kidney, blames mislabeled X-rays.

The patient died five weeks after the operation, despite two more operations and emergency dialysis.

Previously found not guilty of manslaughter, after a pathologist told the court he could not be sure patient died as a result of the blunder, the doctor is now facing charges of "serious professional misconduct."

Metrosexual Banned

Lake Superior State University, wants to eliminate 17 words and phrases. This year’s losers were chosen by a university committee from more than 5,000 nominations from around the world.

According to the Associated Press, "Metrosexual" was this year’s worst offender:

Coined in 1994 by British journalist Mark Simpson, the term refers to urban, usually heterosexual men with a keen interest in fashion, shopping and elaborate grooming.

But to Bob Forrest of Tempe, Ariz., one of many to nominate the term for banishment, it "sounds like someone who only has sex downtown or on the subway." Fred Bernardin of Arlington, Mass., asked, "Aren't there enough words to describe men who spend too much time in front of the mirror?"

The complete List can be found here.

UPDATE: Jen, at Reflections, asks, "how many do YOU use?" I confess that I have been know to say, "I sweat like a pig."

Just Kidding

Fox News reports that Madeleine Albright insists she was just kidding when she suggested the Bush administration is holding Usama bin Laden captive, and waiting to reveal it at the best political moment.

According to Fox, witnesses to Albright's comment said the ambassador did not appear to be joking when she suggested President Bush may reveal bin Laden's capture as an "October surprise" before next November's presidential election.

Albright was in the Fox News studio's green room waiting to appear on an evening program when she remarked:

Do you suppose that the Bush administration has Usama bin Laden hidden away somewhere and will bring him out before the election?

Fox News analyst and Roll Call executive editor Mort Kondracke said, "She was not smiling." Two makeup artists who prep the guests before their appearances also reported that Albright did not ask her question in a joking manner.

Of course, other than Fox, the mainstream media wouldn’t cover Albright’s delusionary comments. The blogosphere didn’t give Albright a free ride.

In “Conspiracy Dems II,” Matthew J. Stinson posted, “Kondracke prompted her to say that she was kidding, Albright's demeanor reportedly implied that she was serious.”

In “Someone call the Center for Disease Control! ,” Country Store broadened the story to include this madness from Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, (D-TX) who just got back from a junket to Syria:

Jackson Lee said she was so impressed with Syrian President Bashar Assad during her visit that she invited him to speak in Texas, even though his country is designated by the United States as a rogue state and a sponsor of terrorism.

"I'm sure someone will write a headline, `Congresswoman invites a terrorist'," Jackson Lee said. "But that's not what I'm trying to do."

Newsmax obliged Sheila - Congresswoman Invites a Terrorist. Sheila was previously famous for asking NASA whether the Mars Rover could drive over to the flag left by Neil Armstrong and complaining that the names of hurricanes weren't black enough.

UPDATE: Steven L. Taylor, reminds us in "Madame Albright" at Poliblog, that Mort Kondracke is not a right winger.

Scott W. Johnson, Big Trunk, in "The fantasy life of Madeleine Albright," reveals that the Republican National Committee is now on the Albright story.

Over at Blogs for Bush they wonder whether can you picture Colin Powell being this kooky?

No Kidneys On eBay

The Associated Press reports that you can’t sell your kidneys on eBay.

Peter Randall, describing himself as a "49-year-old non-smoking male who drinks only socially and who is in good health," tried to auction one of his kidneys on eBay.

Randall was trying to raise money for special therapy for his 6-year-old daughter, who suffers from cerebral palsy. He set a reserve price of $85,000 for the kidney.

Ebay removed the ad after a week and before there were any bids. The online auction service claims that human body parts may not be listed on eBay.

I wonder what eBay would have done if someone had made an acceptable offer,

Oh Deer

On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, a female college student was awakened by tapping on her bedroom window. When she heard the crashing sounds of a break-in, the 21 year old hid under her blanket. After the noises stopped, thinking the burglar had left her room, she peeked out from under the blanket to grab a phone. That’s when she saw the deer staring at her.

The Associated Press reports that she called the police anyway. The responding officers managed to lead the deer outside. The deer was turned over to a humane society. That’s how they deal with intruding deer in Crookston, Minn.

In White Plains New York, a different approach is used. Last month the Journal News reported that a 300 pound deer chased a woman through a downtown street. The deer, pursued by police, tried to escape into a hair salon. The police corned the deer in the salon, shot it with a taser and tied it up with a curling iron cord. The arrested deer was to be taken to a humane society, but “expired.”

Playing Both Sides

The Associated Press reports that a Detroit police sergeant has been charged with robbing 13 banks.

Prosecutors said the sergeant acted as a lookout or getaway driver in 13 robberies in the Detroit area last year.

Thanks to FindLaw for the tip.

Appeal for Pleasure

In Madrid, police stopped a driver they believed was driving while using his cell phone. The driver, a lawyer, claimed he was just scratching his ear. He showed the two officers that the last call from his phone went out the night before. The police conferred, then came back and fined him $70 anyway.

The lawyer was charged with driving while "holding his ear with his right hand in a permanent fashion.”

According to the Associated Pres, the lawyer filed an appeal containing this passage:

To presume that this unconscious act cannot be performed would lead us to the absurd situation of having to wait to stop the vehicle in a place that does not pose a danger for other occupants of the road in order to scratch, by which time, depending on how bad the itch is, I probably would have crashed before finding an adequate place to stop, or the itch would have gone away, reducing the pleasure I get from scratching.