From the London Free Press:
DAVID LETTERMAN
Some sad news. Last weekend, President Bush's dog, Spot, passed away. The family flew the dog back to Texas and he was buried at the ranch -- right next to 10,000 Al Gore ballots.
The Democratic campaign is heating up. It's looking like the nominee will be John Kerry. The only way John Kerry can sink now is with an Al Gore endorsement.
DENNIS MILLER
Martha Stewart's friend of 20 years, Mariana Pasternak, provided damaging testimony in the case last week. Stewart's attorney strenuously objected to Pasternak's testimony, on the grounds Martha has no close friends.
France and Germany are now saying UN approval is needed before the reconstruction of Iraq can proceed. The two nations then went on to criticize the U.S for also not obtaining Security Council approval from a then-non-existent UN before liberating France and rescuing the Germans from Hitler.
JON STEWART
Consumer advocate and 2000 Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader announced . . . he would again seek the White House in 2004, but this time, he will seek it as an independent. You know your candidacy is marginal when even the Green Party thinks you're too out there.
So who is Nader counting on to vote for him this time? He said, "There are conservatives who are furious with Bush over the deficit . . . over many other issues. And they may be looking for an independent candidacy." Conservatives for Nader. Not a large group -- about the same size as the Retarded Death Row Texans for Bush.
CONAN O'BRIEN
Mel Gibson's movie on Jesus opened last week. Here's the latest: Some religious experts who have seen The Passion of the Christ say the film is an accurate portrayal of the last hours of Jesus. When asked how he got the actor playing Jesus to convey so much suffering, Gibson said, "I forced him to watch Lethal Weapon 4."
China announced they're going to open a Disneyland theme park in Hong Kong. The bad news is they've already eaten Goofy.
JAY LENO
Some sad news. President Bush's lap dog passed away. I didn't know Tony Blair was sick.
John Kerry is not happy about Ralph Nader getting into the race. When they told him, he didn't show any emotion. That's the good thing about botox injections.
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